The All-Important Pause

JMJC

First thing I do when confronted with temptation, I pause.

This pause allows me to pray, meditate, remember why I am stopping, play the tape forward (play the tape forward means envision a future in which I relapse, the bad feelings, the guilt, the shame, the social impact, the harm to the acting out partner, the harm to my relationship with God, the isolation I’d want to dive into, the increased compulsions that would result) practice negative recall (negative recall means remembering all the ways I felt terribly after acting out before, such as disappointed, ashamed, embarrassed, anxious, weak, gross, slothful, sticky, smelly, at risk of being caught, etc.), distract myself with anything good or neutral such as a walk or clean comedy or especially cooking in my case, …

The pause is invaluable.

I think back to much of my pause capability being born in developing a meditation practice – even though I used to hyperventilate within seconds of meditation, develop anxiety attacks, and couldn’t stomach it whatsoever, I now can easily meditate for 10 whole minutes and love to do so. And then finding Christ, I practice Christian meditation (clearing my mind of selfish thoughts, useless thoughts, anxious thoughts, demonic temptations, etc., and inviting God to pour into me as an empty vessel, to replace me entirely with his will.

Sometimes the pause is an invitation for God to replace me entirely, and sometimes the pause is simply, “God, please, one more moment without this sin.”